Saturday, August 15, 2009

she's not even 3 years old


I've put off having this conversation for days. My heart is broken. I am so very sad, seriously depressed I think. The doglet is slipping away from us and I feel powerless to help her.

It started a couple of months ago when she appeared to be suddenly going blind. The vet looked at her eyes and couldn't see anything other than very dilated pupils. We were having a bumper crop of mushrooms in the backyard, and he assumed it was mushroom consumption. He said to watch her, and if it didn't improve soon to take her to the doggy opthamologist. It didn't get better so we did, and he agreed, no eye disease. Perfectly healthy eyes, but blindness in her left eye. After some expensive, extensive tests the eye specialist said "it's neurological in nature, you have to see a doggy neurologist". I put off making the appointment for a few days. I just couldn't wrap my brain around it, and it didn't seem to be any worse than some vision trouble. Then, in just a matter of days Mavis began to have trouble walking. She could no longer make it up and down her little stairs by the bed. No hopping up on the couch with her foot stool. In just a few more days she merely stumbles around, her legs often just going right out from under her causing her to fall. She wants to play but can't function. I just don't understand. There are moments when she seems to be better, giving me hope that we might get her back. But just moments. One good thing though is that her appetite is great. She really perks up for her scrambled egg, and as recently as 2 days ago still enjoyed the trip to her favorite restaurant for plain grilled chicken.

I feel really guilty getting so upset and sad about this. I have friends whose children have serious diseases. Potentially life threatening diseases. I know they feel like life is over some days. I also have friends who have lost their children too soon. I can't begin to imagine that pain. I wasn't able to have children. I just can't imagine how hard having a sick baby would be. Or, oh my God, to lose one. Mavis is the closest thing I've had but I feel ridiculous loving her this much. But I do.

We have an appointment on Tuesday to see a neurology specialist. We have health insurance for her. Doglet health insurance. I'm so grateful I made that crazy decision. I don't know what he diagnosis will be, and I of course have been googling like crazy. Until Tuesday my imagination will be cranking overtime. I've had little energy to think, write, or talk at all about other things. So if you haven't heard from me, that's partly why. To you it may seem crazy. She's a little dog. How did I get so wrapped up?

I've been busy with some other things, wonderful distractions and very busy days. I'll write about that soon, maybe even later today. I just had to get all of this off my chest. There, I feel a little better already. Thanks for being here.

11 comments:

HeyJade said...

Val, I'm so sorry... I know how much that little precious one means to you and Chris. I've always been one to be like "dude, it's just a dog" but when it comes to stuff like this, yeah... it's gonna hurt like crazy, she is your baby, and you have all the right in the world to feel the way you do and not have to explain yourself. I pray the neurologist can give you some answers or at least ways to make her comfortable. :::hugs:::

Shelley said...

I'm so sorry....

Anonymous said...

Soooo sorry for you guys. Words can't help, so just know we're thinking of you.

mycough

mason said...

Never, ever apologize for the love of anything, animal or human. Mavis is God's creation and that makes her just as relevant as anything. My heart goes out to you...Michelle Nunes

Joanne said...

Praying for you and Mavis, Val. I know how it is to lose a dog too soon, and pain is pain... whether it be for a child or animal. Mavis is someone who means a great deal to you and you love her with all your heart. No need to apologize.

Looking forward to seeing you guys on Sunday. It's been too long...

amarkonmywall said...

ah, Val- Im so sorry. She is such a darling little pup. I know she's happy you are back from your trip. Maybe, a miracle and the neurologist will help you figure something out. Keep us posted.

Linda and Denny said...

I'm with Mason; there's no reason to apologize for loving a creature that can love you back with every atom of its little body.

I hope the neurologist can find the answer to your doglet's illness and make it better. ((((Val))))

Nandini said...

Doglets are to be loved. And I can imagine the hurt you must feel watching a loved one spiral into something like this. We'll hold your hand, though, as you weather the storm. *keeps a lookout for the miracle, though*

Anonymous said...

Valerie: So sorry to hear about Mavis Pearl. I'm going to stay positive and believe it's just something that can be treated. I'll talk to you on Wednesday! Martha

Anonymous said...

Prayers for Mavis & your family. I can't imagine what you are going through. This feels like "Our" baby. She has touched our lives here at the office. BL

Val said...

Like my friend Vicki says, you meet the neatest people here in the neighborhood. So thank you, my bloggy neighbors for comforting and reassuring me. I have a renewed sense of confidence that whatever comes, we will handle it. You guys are near and dear to my heart!